November 7, 2010

Do You Give Your Children Choices???

Do you still give your children CHOICES if you know they aren't going to make the right one?? Today, I am not really thrilled with the whole Free Agency thing.

Mackay is having his birthday party this week. We are struggling with his invitation list. His list and my list is very different. Maybe I should have never given him the choice???

Kenzie wanted BANGS. I said "Sure!" I even got my purse and went to Super Cuts right at that moment. I think she would look cute with bangs. As we drove to Super Cuts she asked if she could dye her hair "dark". At first I said - NO. I explained my concerns and how I felt about it. She continued to beg and then she said "she had her own money and would pay for it herself". When we got to Super Cuts I told the lady that I was paying for a trim and bangs. I asked how much it would cost to dye her hair. $45.00. Kenzie had $26.00. Phew... Dodged that one.

After her haircut, I dropped her off at her friends. She then called me and told me she was at Walgreens in the hair dye aisle. She asked if she could buy it herself - it was her hair, you know (spoken with a little teenager attitude). I answered her with "You know my feelings. I won't pay for it. So it is YOUR money and YOUR hair and now it is YOUR choice." This video of her singing is how she came home last night.

Again - I am not a fan of FREE AGENCY. If we didn't have it, then Mackay would be inviting everyone on MY list and Kenzie's hair would not be red or purple or auburn or whatever color it is. Choices are for the birds!! She sure sings pretty though....


amanda said...

Some choices you let them make-like dying their hair. It's cute, it's fun and could be purple, or blue, or orange. I think it looks pretty. Mom let me dye my hair red by myself too so don't sweat that one.

Now Macaky is making the wrong choice. If this little boy is going to find out about the party and he's not invited (is it the one I am thinking of??) he'll be so sad and that is not right. Mom would make him invite the little boy so make him!! (Notice I always say to myself "What Would Mom Do?" instead of "What Would Jesus Do?"--but most of the time they were the same:)

jenn said...

I agree with Manda, Kenzie's hair is cute. And hair color washes out so quickly, it isn't a big deal. Pick your battles, she is a good girl. (Do I sound like Mom yet?)

As for Mackay, I also agree with Manda. Sometimes we have to help "teach" our children how and why to make the "right" choice. Ask him how he would feel if he was the one left out. Give him different scenarios to help him understand, like telling him it just isn't like him to leave someone out. He is always such a kind boy. Then hopefully he will make the right choice and you can tell him how proud you are of him.

Alyssa said...

Yes I give my kids choices, but they are still young enough that even when I give them choices, I still can influence them to make the right choice/the one I want them to. The hair thing with Kenzie is a tough one. I never even had a thought of doing anything with my hair color until after I graduated college. My girls have yet to express any desire to change their hair in any way other than a routine trim. It's hard for me to relate to that situation. My first reaction was, tell Kenzie no. Her hair is beautiful just the way it is. But, I have to say I do like the color she chose. And I like the idea of you letting it be her "expense" if she wants to keep the coloring habit. Now for whatever you have to do to get him to feel good about inviting the little boy. He needs to include him. I have been in this situation with one of my kids' parties. You always include/never exclude. It is just the right thing to do....

Shauna said...

I agree with all of the comments so far. I do think some things are more important to step in on, like the party invite. I am loving Kenzie's videos, she's got talent.

Debbie said...

Amen. What did you do with your hair? Sun-in?? I got mine frosted pure white with my dark hair. Awful.

Dawn said...

Thank you for all the comments!!! I learned a big lesson.
Kenzie is my oldest so I expect MORE from her. In the past, Mackay always tries to do what is right. I was harder on Kenzie then I was Mackay.
Your comments put me in my place.
Hair is hair. It will fade and it is just a small part of who she REALLY is. She is beautiful on the inside and the out. She is a good girl and I need to tell her more often. I guess "Don't sweat the small stuff" is the lesson. Hair is "small stuff". An apology was made to my sweet little "red head".
Mackay was the one I needed to focus on. After all your comments. Mackay's freedom to choose was revoked and he walked an invite over. An hour later, he said, "Mom, I am glad I invited him."
So....Thank you ALL for helping ME make the RIGHT choice!

November 9, 2010 8:03 AM

Berezay said...

I think I might be a little late but.... ;) When I come to sticky things like what I want vs. what they want. I think just that. How did I feel when my parents were pressuring me to do what they wanted vs. what I wanted. How did it turn out, etc. I also feel like right now is the time for my kids to make some bad choices. Our home is a safe place to get their "sea legs" if you will. A safe place to learn how to treat others, including family. Sometimes it works out, but mistakes have to be made in order to learn and grow. Earth living 101 ;)
The hair thing...your right hair is hair. I also feel like if it was feeling that big a deal, maybe you two should sit down and figure out what that was about...or you through journaling. Why is it important for her to look a certain way? What is coming up for you that you want to control her choices?!
Your son is a tricky one as well, in my opinion. I don't know all the details like is he a neighbor, is it obvious he's being excluded? or is it someone that is on your radar? not his. I remember having to invite a girl to a party. I hated it and I didn't feel like it was my party. And honestly to this day...still don't know why I had to. (I was 8)
If my children have that strong of feelings about something like that. THere is a fine balance between teaching a lesson and being respectful to them as a person. We could be accused of thinking only of this other child and not your son as well. I also doubt he'll grow up to be a hateful not include others sort of person. Maybe finding out why he felt so strongly about it is in order?! I do know when we start making kids do things. I feel like a point is being missed. I have had those sorts of situations with my kids. We've had lots of talks. And honestly. One of my boys is the boy that gets left out. BUT...he learns from it. It's his experience. I can't nor do I want to take the hurdles away from him. I feel he's becoming a much better person because of both situations. (does that even make sense?!) Good luck! Stay close to the Spirit. You and Aaron know best and will do what's right for your family!!! ;)