My Dad's Funeral Talk

 Dad’s Funeral Talk

GOD'S PLAN FOR HIS CHILDREN

Intro:

My dads first love was Family - his sweetheart and his children. The next was his Faith. And I’m pretty sure right after that would be Music. 

I feel lucky my daughter Kenzie was able to develop a close relationship with her grandpa because of music. He was her biggest fan and her greatest mentor. 

As a missionary my dad got to travel his beloved England singing with a group of missionaries who became lifelong friends. Together they created the most beautiful version of one of his favorite hymns - Come Come Ye Saints. He loved the lyrics of this song and always sang it with meaning and conviction.

Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear

But with joy wend your way

Though hard to you this journey may appear

Grace shall be as your day

Although this recent journey with my dad and especially this week and today feels hard, we feel joy and rejoice in the sweet reunion that is taking place in heaven. 

I. Missions bonded us.

Growing up  I had a lot in common with my mom. We were both blonde haired, blue eyed ballerinas. People would often say, “you look just like your mom” or “you’re a little Kathy Bean”.  It was the Best compliment.  

My dad was brilliant and obedient and driven and- I was not. But when I turned 21, I decided to serve mission for our church. It was the first time, I felt I had something in common with my dad.  Our missions created a special bond between us.

Although my mom was a very spiritual and religious person, it was my dad that helped me understand the gospel. My dad taught me the importance of studying and “digging deep” into spiritual things. I inherited my mom’s blind faith but my dad taught me to learn my religion and gain a testimony for myself. He taught me to depend on the spirit, to develop the “art of conversation” and to seek out the “honest in heart”.   

Every lesson or talk I have ever prepared was always proof-read and approved by him. I will always cherish the times I spent learning from him and talking about gospel truths. His testimony was strong. He loved his Savior Jesus Christ. He especially loved being a missionary and sharing the joy the gospel brings. So today, I would like to honored him by giving a talk HE helped prepare many years ago.

II. Death is Precious

The night before Jesus was crucified, he gathered with his disciples. The scriptures say they sang a hymn just before they left for the Garden of Gethsemane. Part of that hymn includes this phrase: 

“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his Saints.” (Ps. 116:15). 

The word “precious" is defined as: of great value or highly esteemed or cherished.

By singing this hymn, Jesus put a divine benediction on the doctrine that the death of a good person is highly esteemed or cherished by the Lord. 

This provides us with a very different perspective on death. We are born to die. Death is a necessary step in our progression, a rite of passage. In the Lord's eyes, and in our family’s eyes, we know that my dad’s death was the crowning achievement of his mortal life - it is surely a day precious unto God. 

Similar perspective is found in Doctrine and Covenants 42 where the Lord stated:

" And it shall come to pass that those who die in me shall not taste of death, for it shall be sweet unto them." (D&C 42:45-47).

When my dad breathed his last breath, his spirit separated from his body. I know this was a great relief to him since his body was tired and terribly weakened by his illness.

The body is important - but it is not our dad, grandpa, or great- grandpa. His body was a shell in which his spirit resided. His spirit is the thinking, feeling, eternally alive part of him. His spirit is perfect in appearance and form. At the moment of death, my dad stepped out of his mortal body and continued on to live in a different setting much like moving from one room to another.

As he entered the spirit world, I know he was undoubtedly met by his sweetheart, my mom - he was reunited with his parents, his sister, and other loved ones. This was a time of welcoming and happiness.

III. Spirit World

The spirit world is on this earth but we can't see it. There have been some people who have been permitted to glimpse momentarily into the spirit world, so we know some things about it.

We know that it is similar to this mortal sphere in many respects. My dad is happy to be moving forward and to be progressing. He is in a part of the spirit world called Paradise - where he is able to rest from the cares of the world and where he has overcome the tests of mortality (Alma 40:11-12). 

In my dad’s final moments, we watched him struggle to let go and even witnessed tears stream from his eyes as we, his children, gathered around him.  We know he felt some sadness to leave us behind and to be apart from us. But he now has an advantage that tempers this sadness. 

We know he can sometimes see us and be close. But because he also has important things to do, he can't spend all of his time looking in on us. While he will be busy doing many good deeds in the spirit world, I know at those special and necessary moments in our lives - moments when he surely would have been there in mortality - he will be there in spirit. 

He will be praying for us and he will be concerned when we are struggling. He will rejoice in our greatest triumphs, and he will ache with us in our greatest defeats. He is every bit as much a part of our family unit there in the spirit world, as he was here.

IV. Resurrection and Falling Short

In a very real sense, the death of a good person is like passing the final test on the last day of school. My dad is no longer being tested. He no longer has to suffer adversity, disease, temptation, discouragement, sadness and grief. He is at peace and has overcome the world. He will continue to learn, to grow and progress until the day of the resurrection, when his spirit will be reunited with a glorified and perfected, resurrected body.

All of us will be resurrected. We can merit all of the blessings of God, even though we are not perfect when we die. God is a God of mercy and will judge each of us according to the desires of our heart. He knows our struggles and the burdens we bear. He’ll judge us according to our thoughts, intents, and abilities; and He, in his infinite wisdom, will make all things right in due course. 

Conclusion:

I know these principles and doctrines are true. I know it with all my heart. My dad taught me and I have the assurance of these things that comes from the Holy Ghost.

I know the coming days, weeks, and years will be difficult. While time will heal this pain of separation, it will never go away. We will always miss our dad. But I hope we will be blessed with the knowledge that we will be reunited with our mom and dad and that we will be a family eternally. 

And in those lonely moments when we need it most, we will feel our parents love, sense they are nearby, and have the assurance they are still very much a part of our lives.

I know we will lean on each other. We will strive to follow our dad’s example and be obedient. We will take care of each other and we will rely on our faith. I know as we  “do this and joy … our hearts will swell - (and we will know) all is well- all is well.” 

Father's Day

Fatherhood

Given: 

June 16, 2019 Draper 11th Ward

Introduction

Father’s Day:

I want to wish a Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers, sons, uncles, grandpas, friends and neighbors here today which includes my own dad.  

While growing up, my dad’s career kept him busy, yet he never missed a dance concert and always made time for daddy-daughter dates. He was there when I became a missionary, a wife, and he actually beat Aaron to the hospital when I became a mom. 

He taught me to value education, be honest, “to not sweat the small stuff” and to “enjoy the journey”.  Over the years I have learned a lot of valuable lessons from my dad.  But recently, with losing my mom to cancer  and some health challenges, my dad has taught me more about strength, humility, faith, and family.  I am so grateful for my dad.

Today I want to speak about the influence of a Righteous Father. We are surrounded by amazing dads.  I have even asked a few of your children to share some of the ways you have influenced them.

But before I go on, I know there are some in the congregation today who have already raised their families.  There may be some who are not married and others who are married but unable to have children, and for whom discussions about parenthood may be difficult.  But in preparing today’s talk, I know that gospel principles are eternal principles that are applicable now and in the hereafter.

A Father’s Duty

Men are given a lot of responsibilities. First lady Barbara Bush spoke at a university graduation and said,

“As important as your obligation as a doctor, lawyer, or a business leader will be, you are a human being first, and those human connections with your spouse and family are the most important investments you will ever make.  At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, winning one more verdict, closing one more deal.  You will regret time not spent with your spouse and your child.  Our success as a society depends not on what happens in the White House, but on what happens inside your house.”

President David O. McKay’s counsel that “No other success in life can compensate for failure in the home.”  

President Harold B. Lee said; “The most important of the Lord’s work you will ever do, will be the work you do within the walls of your own home.”  

Where else can we have a greater influence than in the lives of our  own family members? 

The Bible mentions the word ‘father’ 1,126 times.  The scriptures are filled with fatherly examples. I want to share three.

II. Jarius

The first is Jarius.  We know that his daughter is dying and as a ruler of the local synagogue, Jarius knew that approaching Christ could cost him everything. But he willingly risked it all to save his daughter. No career, position, or paycheck was more important to Jarius. He humbly and faithfully sought the Savior. 

Seeking Christ, Jarius knelt before him and openly professed his belief in front of the crowds. He knew the Savior could save his daughter. He had a testimony of the Savior’s power and expressed it. 

Yet, something interesting happened. The Savior appeared to get sidetracked when a woman touched the hem of his garment. Stopping, Christ dealt with her problem first. And while He helped the woman, word came to Jarius that his beloved daughter had died. Jarius could have turned on the Savior; but he chose to trust Him. Despite his loss, Jarius still brought Christ into his home, even as others "laughed him to scorn” (Mark 5:40). 

This father knew that the salvation of his family depended on the Lord, and he was right. 

From this story we learn that fathers should never be ashamed to share their testimonies.

We have many in our ward who bear testimony of Christ even in simple conversations. 

Matt Fankhauser is one.  His son, Gabe, shared that “his dad is willing to bear testimony and share spiritual experiences with others and uplifts them by doing so.” He said; “I think it is powerful that he’s not afraid to bear testimony and let his emotions show, which I feel is a trait I have inherited from him.”  

My youngest brother wrote a letter to my dad a few years ago. In it he said; “I came home from an interview with my bishop discouraged about the church. I felt at that moment that the church wasn’t for me. I could see mom’s panic when I was explaining to her what was going on in my head, but then you took me into the living room and simply shared your testimony. I have heard your testimony many times before, but that time really sparked a change. Thank you for having the courage to talk to your son about something so important. It really changed my life.”

Spoken and emotional testimonies are powerful influences on families. A father’s testimony can change lives and even bring salvation.

III. The Father of the Prodigal Son

Second, the father of the prodigal son. We know that his son requested his inheritance early, yet this father did not take offense. Rather he lovingly watched and waited for his son’s return. 

When the defeated son began the humiliating task of returning and ‘was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him” (Luke 15:20). 

Not a single word of reprimand or berating, no rehashing of bitter words and feelings. Instead, he received his son with joy.

This caused a new problem for the father. The eldest son, feeling jealous, now refused to join them. What did the father do? He went to him and said, “Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine.” He considered it a privilege to meet each of his children where they were, expressing love.

When choices tear families apart, a righteous father should be the first to express love and extend support and acceptance. He should make that difficult phone call or go knock on that door and embrace his children with heartfelt love and acceptance, not criticizing words or lectures.

Extending love doesn’t always have to happen in times of turmoil.  It can be done everyday in the simplest acts, yet can have a lasting impression.

When Kelcie Cheney Morgan was preparing to leave for her mission in Paraguay, her dad took her to breakfast.  Near by was a table filled with missionaries. When Rob went to pay for their breakfast, he also put money toward the missionaries’s table. Kelcie said; “he gave me a big hug afterwards, with tears in his eyes, he said ‘I hope that people in Paraguay show you love too.’  I could feel my dad’s prayers through out my mission and was blessed to meet wonderful members who extended love to me, just as my dad had to the elders at breakfast. I will always be grateful for his example of love, even to complete strangers.”

IV. Alma the Younger

And finally, Alma the Younger. After addressing his son’s sins, he reminded him of his worth and the importance of repentance. He wanted his son to know, understand, and embrace the Savior’s love and great plan. We read in Alma 42:29 this father’s advice, 

“And now, my son, I desire that ye should let these things trouble you no more, and only let your sins trouble you, with that trouble which shall bring you down unto repentance”. 

From this story we learn that fathers should instill hope.

One of Richard Mackerell’s greatest attributes it just this - instilling hope.  His son, Travis, said; “I have never known my dad to be a negative person.  Whenever I’ve come to him with a problem, he always sees the silver lining on how the experience will be for the best.  Having this attribute, I believe, is key to enduring to the end.  I hope to magnify this in my own life.”

Teaching

President Joseph F. Smith said; “If father’s have the Spirit of the Lord with them in the performance of their temporal duties, ...they will have faith to teach them the principles of life and set before them a proper example...”

Teaching principles of the gospel and in life isn’t always easy.  Rachel Tripp Thompson said her dad “made things like FHE and scripture study enjoyable... even when he would wake us up every morning to squeeze in a chapter of the Book of Mormon.  It never felt like a chore.  He explained hard concepts by connecting it to our lives.  My dad is a great example to me.”

We have a wonderful bishop who has taught and influenced many.  His son, Cooj, says “his dad always emphasizes the importance of hard work and self-reliance, both in life and in the gospel. He always taught that we must work to receive our own testimony of the gospel and if we want something in life we have to work to get it.” 

Conclusion

As I said before, men have a lot of responsibilities. Elder Holland, said “Brethren, we all know fatherhood is not an easy assignment, ...We must keep trying, reaching, praying, listening.”

These three fathers in the scriptures, sought to teach, to testify, instill hope, extend love and acceptance, and bring salvation to their families. All were wonderful examples, yet they were merely exhibiting characteristics of  the greatest father of all, our Eternal Father, who does all of these things for us every day. 

Through prophets, our Heavenly Father testifies of His love and teaches us eternal truths. 

I hope that we will honor the righteous men that surround us, not just today but always. It is my prayer, that we will strive to allow our Heavenly Father to teach, to strengthen, and extend love and hope to each one of us... in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Sacrament Talk - Priorities

Families & Time

Talk Given:

August 14, 2013 Draper 5th Ward

November 17, 2013 Draper 11th Ward

January 12, 2014 Draper 2nd Ward

March 9, 2014 Draper 6th Ward

December 14 2014 Draper 10th Ward

1. Many years ago, in a stake conference, one of the speakers asked the question, “how many of you have children who are 9 years old?”  

According to national average, half of the total time they will spend in your home is gone.  Most leave the nest at 18.  He then said, those of you who have children older than 9 years, you haven’t got much time left!

1. Someone once said:

Imagine pulling into your driveway without two bicycles, the hose, and a big wheel.

Imagine making a batch of cookies and ending up with enough dough to make as many dozen as he recipe promises.

Imagine opening your desk drawer and finding a whole roll of tape and your good scissors right where you left them.

  Imagine your bathroom floor without wet towels, muddy shoes and socks, a pony-tail elastic and a broken mascara tube.

Imagine your telephone ringing and it being for you.

Imagine your car with a full tank of gas

Imagine a kitchen without cabinets and drawers left open, fingerprints on the refrigerator, food caked on the table, frozen pizza crusts crumbling on the counter,  and milk rings hardening inside half a dozen glasses in the sink.

Imagine your sofa without bread crumbs in every crevice

Imagine an evening of quiet conversations without doors slamming, radios wailing, voices whining, feet pounding, an water running.

BUT ALSO, imagine your birthday without a handmade card.

Imagine a clean house, a tidy yard, and a vacant toy box.

Imagine nobody calling you at night -- or during the day.

Imagine deserted games, unused basketball hoops, forgotten merit badges gather dust in neat rows.

Imagine dolls lined up and waiting forever on a perfectly made bed.

Imagine the sound of the clock ticking.

Imagine your home without children.

Now is the time, before our families are scattered, to enjoy our family members and make those relationships worthy of eternal duration.

III. Prophets:

President David O. McKay said: “No other success in life can compensate for failure in the home.  

President Harold B. Lee said: “The most important of the Lord’s work that you will ever do will be the work you do within the walls of your own home.  Home teaching, bishopric work, and other church duties are all important, but the most important work is within the walls of your home.”

IV. Need for Balance.

1. The first step in devoting the necessary time with our families is to get balance into our lives -- get control over our lives.  Elder William R. Bradford in General Conference back in 1992 spoke on uncluttering our lives.  He and his wife received a letter from one of his married daughters who wrote:

“I’ve become a nurse. Four of the six kids have the flu. I’m changing my ambitions from psychiatrist to nurse. Anyway, nobody in this family is sick in the head, we are just all sick. I hate it when the kids are sick.” Then in capital letters, “I WANT MY LIFE BACK!”

This letter motivated Elder Bradford to speak on uncluttering our lives and getting back to the basics.  He told a story of a little boy who arrived home from school and found his father standing at the open door looking into a very cluttered house. “Is Mother home?” asked the boy. His father answered, “I can’t see her, but I know she’s in there somewhere. I can hear sobbing.”

This would be funny if it were not true in so many cases. I believe that a cluttered life can create a great deal of sorrow and sadness and be the cause of much sobbing. I also believe that there are a great many people in the so-called “fast lane” that want their lives back.

1. Our lives are divided between so many competing forces, each of which take a part of us and our time: church, family, job, civic responsibilities, sports, and recreation.  We must decide which to emphasize, and others will have to come in 2nd, 3rd, and 4th, etc.  Some influences will have to bend a little to accommodate others.  They won’t always fit together.  You decide which has the biggest part of you.

National statistics tell us that our jobs (employment) take more than 1/3 of our time (if you add getting ready for work, commuting, time spent studying at nights, etc.)  So 1/3 of our lives, we have little control over.    

1. How we spend the other two thirds of our lives is the challenge.  How easy it is to get things out of balance.  Brother Bradford first suggests that our lives can become cluttered with material things.  We surround ourselves so many gadgets and toys that we really don’t need, and that may interfere with our spiritual development.

But there are more subtle time consumers.  Satan knows that while we are in mortality, we are subject to time and that we have free agency and are at liberty to make choices that use up our time unwisely and keep us from our families.  

A few years ago, there was a story going around the internet entitled “RU2 Busy?”  It said:

Satan called a worldwide convention.  In his opening address to his evil angels, he said, “We can't keep the Christians from going to church.  We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth.  We can't even keep them from forming an intimate, abiding relationship with Christ.  Once they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken.

So let them go to their churches; let them have their conservative lifestyles, but steal their time,... Distract them ...”

“How shall we do this?”  shouted his angels.

“Keep them busy in the nonessentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds,” he answered.

“Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow borrow borrow.

Persuade them to go to work for long hours, 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles.  Keep them from spending time with their children.  As their family fragments, soon, their home will offer no escape from the pressures of work!

Over stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice.  Entice them to play the radio whenever they drive.  To keep the TV, VCR, CDs and the PCs going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical music constantly.  This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ.

“Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers.  Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day.  Invade their driving moments with billboards.  Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogs, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services and false hopes.  

“Even in their recreation, let them be excessive.  Have them return from their recreation exhausted, disquieted, and unprepared for the coming week.

Don't let them go out in nature to reflect on God's wonders.  Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, concerts and movies instead.  Keep them busy, busy, and busy!

And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences and unsettled emotions.  Go ahead, let them be involved in soul winning; but crowd their lives with so many good causes that they have not time to seek power from Christ.  Soon they will be sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause.  It will work!  It will work!”

It was quite a convention.  The evil angels went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to get more busy and more rushed, going here and there.

I guess the question is:  Has the devil been successful at his scheme?  Does “busy” mean: B-eing  U-nder  S-atan's  Y-olk?

We need to examine all the ways we use our time: our work, our ambitions, our affiliations, and our habits that drive our actions.  We need to get back to the basics.  At the top of our list is the family.  The family comes first.  Elder Bradford says, “WE GIVE OURSELVES TO THAT WHICH WE GIVE OUR TIME.”

V. Cats in the Cradle - Harry Chapin

My child arrived just the other day

He came to the world in the usual way

But there were planes to catch and bills to pay

He learned to walk while I was away

And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew

He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, Dad

You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man on the moon

When you comin' home, Dad

I don't know when, but we'll get together then

You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day

He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play

can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today

I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok

And he walked away but his smile never dimmed

And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah

You know I'm gonna be like him"

Well, he came from college just the other day

So much like a man I just had to say

"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while"

He shook his head and said with a smile

"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys

See you later, can I have them please"

I've long since retired, my son's moved away

I called him up just the other day

I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"

He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time

You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu

But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad

It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me

He'd grown up just like me

My boy was just like me

VI. What can we do to avoid this human tragedy?

President Ezra Taft Benson gave us ten suggestions to guide our children.  I want to close with his suggestions.

1. Take time to always be at the crossroads in the lives of our children whether they be six or sixteen.
2. Take time to be a real friend to your children.
3. Take time to read to your children
4. Take time to pray with your children
5. Take time to have meaningful weekly home evening.  Make it a tradition.
6. Take time to be together at mealtimes as often as possible.
7. Take time to read the scriptures daily.
8. Take time to do things together as a family.
9. Take time to teach your children.
10. Take time to truly love your children.  Unqualified love.  Christlike love.

It is my prayer and challenge that we will all make it a priority and a goal to spend TIME with our families and one day gather them in the celestial kingdom.